OK Already, I’m Writing The Book

Sun, Aug 7, 2016


OK already, I’m writing the book. My editor guy told me last year in January that THIS was the year we were gonna write the book. So about October I contacted him and said maybe we ought to get started, then.

From this point I have no idea what I am still keeping this BLOG for, but I hope someday to understand…

In other business:

In case I haven’t mentioned (how many years since I last posted here?)  I am now working as a Janitor. They call it “Custodian” for the same reason we call housewives “Domestic Engineers”. Because a dignified professional title confers dignity that wouldn’t otherwise be conferred (and for the most part isn’t anyway, but don’t let me digress…)

While I am in the mood to post here I’ve decided to go ahead and do so. And I’ll tell you why:

Part of my writing has taken me down a new and exciting path that got me so wound up I wrote what constitutes an actual BLOG-style post and placed it on facebook. I’ve done this so many times now I think it would be more prudent to put all my facebook posts here because they are like BLOG posts, and that’s what I pay the extra money to have a domain for. So other people can enjoy my wordsmithery and incisive humor. No seriously, and without further preface here’s my latest facebook post. I’m so proud of it:

Have you ever used “Dragon Naturally Speaking”?
Have you ever played “Telephone”?

in the rain
and the reins

taking a license
taking our lessons

people would bring their mayors to us
people would bring their mares to us

the barn doors shot or mostly shot
the barn doors shut, or mostly shut

just through the probe right out and into the horse manure spreader
just throw the poop right out into the manure spreader
I wanted to share this latest humorous tweak to my life: It’s come about since taking on the daunting challenge of writing, hopefully for publication (go ahead; laugh all you like, but my editor tells me that it’s counter-productive to laugh at myself so I am dead serious).

Because the content is based on experience and memoir, I’ve been using the well-known Dragon Naturally Speaking software to create this content without having to type, which I do rather poorly.

I know that “training” the software is part of the commitment one must make if one wants to get the most out of using Dragon. However I’ve chosen to bypass that annoying and time-consuming essential, opting instead for the more immediate gratification of seeing a lot of words on paper. This method, I’ve discovered generates a consistent ratio of malapropisms, that now, after 9 months of laboring to edit them out of the transcriptions, I’ve begun to think that the Dragon version might just be better than the real life I’m drawing all my imagery from.

This is just from one hour of conversation, and I’ve left the less-than-great ones in here. But I’ve already deleted many that I regret not saving. If you liked the above, here’s some more

let floor mats the barn door
leapt forward and smashed the barn door

reminds me use real because this thing I was it
….three months we used wheelbarrows because this big frozen ball of shit..

it wasn’t a reciprocal data always is called enough
it wasn’t a super-cold day, it was just cold enough

pulled dad would
pulled dead wood

chasing them into a list in Russian
chasing them into forest and brush

a business and organize Asian of anything
is it an organization or anything

like if you want to do sector Russia
like if you want defect to Russia

all so psycho Western
oh, so it’s like a Russian (community)?

with you glide
If you’ve lied

fierce you posted something feels I stop listening in the point
“Stop Bullshitting” it will say; “stop bullshitting and get to the point”

Christopher Barnes
different barns

kinda worried some cacique
kinda worrisome ‘cuz she

discovered the grass a little more
….just gonna digress a little more

runaway mayors
runaway mares

lead chancre halter
lead shank or a halter

there’s this big Chaisson for these these little anchors
there’s this big chase on for these these little oinkers

get a ride out of the dairy tank
Get it right out of the dairy tank

eat like a balsa cereal
eat like 8 bowls of cereal

but I hated bologna thing which is an agent that sees the fact that we had to eat Wonder Bread
I hated balogna sandwiches and I hated that cheese and I hated the fact that we had to eat wonder bread

So that she got she’s got Lysol over neck
so I said “she’s got lice all over her neck”

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